10 Things NEVER to say to a new Mum

10 Things Never to Say to a NEW MUM

Let's be honest the first year of motherhood is an emotional rollercoaster. Your hormones are taking a nose dive after the high of pregnancy, your lady bits can be in pieces and you can barely remember who you are anymore.

The last thing a mum needs during this crazy time is yet another thoughtless idiot asking ridiculous questions in our sleep deprived state. 

Here's our 'top 10 list'. If some lunatic says these words to you-you have our full approval to throat punch the halfwit. 

*Take note older mums who have forgotten what it's like and anyone else who has lost the ability to be kind.

1. Is he/she a 'good' baby? 

What does that even mean? It usually loosely translates to 'Is your baby a fussy little sod (most are pretty fussy to be fair) or one of those rare content kids that will sleep peacefully for 12 hours every night from 6 weeks old.

For some reason, Grandma's seem convinced all babies should be sleeping through the night almost instantly and yet they forget to mention they used to give their precious bundle a little bit of whiskey to 'help' said child sleep and they often 'bulked' up the baby bottle with crushed up rusks. 

**Disclaimer - as tempting as the old-fashioned whiskey/crushed rusks strategy may be, it's really not advisable and could harm a baby. So always seek advice from your health visitor for solutions to settle your baby

2. You look so tired!

Of course, I do! You try staying up all long night with a screaming baby.

Unless the rude person actually...

  • encourages you to take a bath
  • hands you some healthy food to get your nutrition up 
  • allows you take a blissful nap while they watch your baby
  • gives you 5 mins to pee in peace
  • brings you wine, chocolate and treats to keep you going

...if said person negates to offer any of the above, you can tell them where to shove their unhelpful, obvious comments. 

The most frustrating thing to endure? Being exhausted and told you look like shit and having to make these visitors cups of tea and look after them as they sit on their arses holding your baby. Awesome!

3. Why aren't you breastfeeding? 

Look lady, what's important is the baby is fed and thriving. And, the mum is thriving and coping too. Nothing else matters. Case closed. 

4. When is your baby due?

Never ask this. Please! It takes many, many months for the womb to go down after a pregnancy. Many people say it takes 9 months for the womb to pop out and 9 months to slot back in again! 

5. Oh, you had a c-section?

If you mean the mum had a major operation to ensure the healthy and safe delivery of her precious baby then yes she had a c-section. Anyway, they are just jealous of your perfectly intact vagina. 

6. I bet you are disappointed you got ANOTHER boy/girl! 

Disappointed in a beautiful, healthy child? Have you actually looked at the child? He/she is perfection! 

Are you clueless to the agony some parents go through to even get just 1 little baby? How can anyone be disappointed by a new baby, regardless of its sexual genitals?

Even women who are suffering from gender disappointment, they will fall deeply in love with their gorgeous new creation and will be quite frankly distressed by your intrusive and insensitive questioning

These words are often expressed to new mums of multiple girls or boys and it says a lot about the ungracious weirdo saying this. 

Ignore and feel sorry for these souls. For some bizarre reason, they can't see how fortunate you are.

7. Are you going to try again for more kids? 

Fuck no. Move on. This shop is now closed.

Not that's it is any of your business. Why are you so invested in my reproduction plans? Surely my family planning is a personal thing?

Not so, most mums who are still trying to recover from the trauma of childbirth are currently getting asked this weekly by random people they barely know in the supermarket.

8. My baby was walking, talking, singing the alphabet by 8 months...

Good for you smug mama.Thanks for your input, really um helpful! She smiles in pity towards you, as she pats her perfect child's head. #eyeroll

There's always one mum who can't resist sticking it in and boasting about her amazing children at every freaking opportunity.

Oh, go away just because my kid is still in pull up's at 3 and you magically trained yours in just one afternoon when she was 16 months. Why is this even a competition anyway? Aren't all kids totally unique and different? All kids get there in the end, at their own pace, so back off Janet!

9. I can't believe you have to go to work, don't you miss your baby?

Of course, I miss my baby. My womb aches for her/him every day. Thanks for yet more guilt! But, I have to work/want to work/love to work and any of those personal and financial decisions are none of your business. Period. 

10. Can't you control your baby? 

Can't you control your mouth? You know what, sometimes babies cry. Get over it! If that's your biggest problem today (the sound of someone's baby crying) lucky you. How about trying some empathy on for size and actually offer to support the mum?

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